The elevator door opened, and here we were, meeting again. I greeted her, and right away, she announced, “I have two things to tell you: I am very healthy, and I need you to help me find my husband.” Not missing a beat, I reflected that those were very good things. “I am so glad you are in good health, and also I can tell you love your husband very much.” Yes, she agreed. She also really wanted me to help her find her husband. I knew breaking the news of her husband’s death from two years ago was not in the cards. Louisa was not able to retain information and every time this had been tried she had had to grieve all over again. No, I had to be careful with how much truth I was going to let out. I promised I would look for him and get back to her as soon as I could. That still was not doing it for Louisa.
“Let me ask you, do you have a husband?”
I told her, yes I did. Louisa was now talking to me, woman to woman. “How is it when, you know . . .” No need for her to struggle for words. I understood she wanted me to understand what it felt for her to not be with her husband. “You mean when he goes away?” Yes, she wanted to know. “Does he?” Oh, yes, he did often, and each time, I missed him terribly. I stretched the truth some, but it was important that I meet her in her pain. “Is that how you feel?” Louisa relaxed a bit . . . and once more, made me promise to help her.
Trapped between her inability to hold on to the memory of her loss, and the reality of the huge void left in her heart, Louisa keeps on looking . . . giving a face to the word ‘heart-breaking’.